Travelling Through Life in Different Ways: a Journey of Transforming Expectations.
Expectation and Assumption
Expectations/assumptions are rife in us all, in all areas of life we expect or assume certain things. Whether it's assumptions such as expecting the shop to be open, the post to arrive, the car to start - to greater assumptions/expectations such as being with your loved one forever. They are an entirely normal part of human existence.
Assumptions and expectations are prevalent in all areas of our lives, some unspoken, some spoken. But they are there, it's a normal part of being a human and how our minds work.
The day I met this man, my mind and heart were filled with exciting expectations - I expected to spend the rest of my life with him. I expected us to be by each other's sides, no matter what life threw at us. I expected to grow old with him. I expected to wake each morning by his side. I expected him to take care of me. I expected to travel this life with him, together, to the end of our days. Only that was not where my expectations took us.
In relationships, whatever they may be, we all project these expectations.
19 years ago, when our eyes witnessed each other and our souls reached out to one other - I hoped. I hoped we would meet again, and we did, a year later! Then, naturally, the expectations set in, silently and less silently. Maybe some of the expectations I/we put on relationships are not healthy, maybe some of them really are, that's not the point. The point is, we all have them, they symbiotically transform and merge within us and our relationships.
However, for me, one day, all those expectations were stampeded, obliterated from my mind, stolen from our relationship. In a split second - an everlasting, irreparable eruption of pain and torture and loss. I lost the right to my relationship expectations from Alex.
Over the years (it has been nearly eight), I have adjusted my expectations, pivoted the movement of them, mourned their loss and learned to live with very different ones regarding what I 'expect' from Alex now. This is in no way supposed to sound derogatory - however, the brain injury was so severe that I have had to accept to live without those 'normal' expectations. It's ok. It is something of a beautiful thing knowing that as he is so dependent on me now, that I have freed myself of expectation - therefore am able to accept our relationship as entirely changed, entirely different and what has re-grown in its place is a love I never knew, never could I even have imagined existed. Having no expectations, yes, was forced on me - but I've let go, and what has grown out of it is the freedom to love the new person Alex has become, and not resent him for no longer living up to the expectations I placed on him.
Transforming Expectation to lose Resentment
Alex is a different person from the man I married, I love him in a different way from the man I married, I see and hear and feel him in a different way from the man I married. In allowing myself to let go of expectations resulting in crippling resentment and loss - my love transformed, morphed into a love so beautiful and so different to anything I have ever known, that I was released. It's fine, and good, and altogether right to have healthy expectations, but it is also good and right and healthy to sometimes look at what expectations you do put on yourself and others; could they be let go of and alleviate the niggling resentment to be replaced with acceptance and greater love?