Montgomery Buster Turns 16!
Updated: Dec 2, 2019
1 hour 45 minutes old you were, when you were first placed into my shaking arms by your daddy, both of us weeping after the trauma of what had happened to bring you into the world. Vividly I remember your eyes - soul-deep, they pierce through my being. I was mummy. I was mum to a baby boy.
Montgomery Buster, how are you 16 today? Where have those 16 years gone?!
Your birth was extremely traumatic, I felt violated that I only got to hold my baby after nearly 2 hours.
The trauma your dad and I both suffered during your birth (which resulted in an emergency caesarian), left a mark. As your dad was pulled out of the emergency surgery room, I was knocked out with a general anaesthetic and you came into this world without me awake and without your dad there to be held by. You were born into strangers' arms.
But now look where we are!
I took you to your college interview yesterday, you stroll in as I call after you - 'you've got this!'. Not wishing to impose myself but also in full faith that you had 'got it' - you didn't need me, and this is so bitter-sweet. Raising your children to be independent, confident beings that can walk through life with strength and love, with compassion and knowing their own self-worth is what you hope so very desperately to cultivate in them. Monty, you have these qualities in abundance.
As you tell me after how it went, you say 'well. I walked in, I looked her in the eye, held out my hand and thanked her for her time and for meeting with me'. I think you got in just on that basis alone! Let alone all the other qualities you clearly possess.
We sing our hearts out on the way back to various tunes - from Belinda Carlisle to the Beatles. We laugh hysterically as we share the same sense of humour and have a friendship I always dreamed of knowing with my children.
I have the utmost respect for you, how you choose to live, the choices you make and the way you treat others. The trust I have had in you has meant you have felt safe to explore freely but also that, as I believe in you, when you have looked to me for 'is this ok?' affirmation, you seem to have grown in an understanding of yourself and others, and you possess a confidence that sets you on fire!
I could not be more proud, son. I literally couldn't. You have been solo-parented by me since you were 7, I am sorry about this! You have grown from and pushed yourself through many phases of the impact dad's accident had on you. Your ability to communicate, your ability and sense of responsibility towards yourself and others shines from you. Your tenacity and the way in which you express yourself; the way you carry so beautifully your pain at losing your dad, sharing it in a way that disarms and blesses others. You deal with it by showing others such compassion and giving them your counsel, always eager to listen and advise and help.
Thank you for being my boy, for the support you give this family, whether it be walking the dog, giving me £20 out of your own money because the girls accidentally lost £20 out of my bag! Whether it be making your dad a cuppa and telling him about your day, whether it be asking every day 'how was your day mum?' or automatically getting up and clearing the table - not just your own plate. My boy, I burst with love - it has been through my love for you and your sisters that my heart, shattered after dad's accident, gradually wove itself back together again.
Don't change, keep on the path you are on. Trust eternally in your heart, it speaks with love and that is how we should live - through the lens and movement of love. Be true to yourself, do not negotiate your worth with anyone. Be strong, stand tall, listen and be humble enough to say 'I'm sorry' if you f@ck up. That part is important!
Thank you for all you are, my beautiful, beautiful soul companion in this life and beyond. Thank you, also, for making the teenage years such a time of fun, laughter and connection, I never dreamed they would be this good.
You've got this! And all of it baby!
From your mum x